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PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 3:32 pm 
Dot Com Dom
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pro-bassoonist wrote:
Just wondering, does he have a weight problem?

That's Admiral Weight Problem to you!


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 10:21 pm 
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A 2-star review of Ran on amazon.com:
Quote:
This is a good action epic for the time it was made (the 1980s) but I wish that Peter Jackson (Fellowship Of The Ring) would remake it in English - he's our finest epic filmmaker right now and he could make this story both more exciting and more emotional (this version lacks feeling). Also, modern day special effects would allow for bigger battles and more realistic violence.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 11:01 pm 
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tavernier wrote:
A 2-star review of Ran on amazon.com:
Quote:
This is a good action epic for the time it was made (the 1980s) but I wish that Peter Jackson (Fellowship Of The Ring) would remake it in English - he's our finest epic filmmaker right now and he could make this story both more exciting and more emotional (this version lacks feeling). Also, modern day special effects would allow for bigger battles and more realistic violence.

I nearly did a spittake after reading this. It sounds exactly like something one of my students would write!


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 12:46 am 
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A review of Tommy Boy from Amazon.com:

Quote:
The movie Tommy Boy is about two guys that are going on a trip. This movie is a comedy movie. This movie is about two hours long. In the middle of the movie it gets to be very detailing and more funny. At the end Tommy is very heartbreaking because his dad dies. This movie was produced in 1995.

Cody S.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 1:05 am 
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Cody S. wrote:
The movie Tommy Boy is about two guys that are going on a trip. This movie is a comedy movie. This movie is about two hours long. In the middle of the movie it gets to be very detailing and more funny. At the end Tommy is very heartbreaking because his dad dies. This movie was produced in 1995.

Cody S.

This comment is about the review of the movie Tommy Boy. It is a funny review. This review has 59 words. Six of the words are "movie." In the middle of the review it gets to be very detailing and more funny. At the end Cody is very heartbreaking because he was clearly being serious. This comment was posted in 2008.

Jeff


Last edited by Jeff on Fri Jun 13, 2008 1:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 1:07 am 
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But, Tommy's dad dies in the beginning of the film. :-s


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 1:26 am 
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Cody S. is 8 years old.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 1:34 am 
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tavernier wrote:
Cody S. is 8 years old.

I was so taken with Cody's review that I found it at Amazon and looked at his profile. All of his reviews are written in the same wacky "Dick and Jane" prose style, but he has signed each one with a different name.

Each one of his 70 reviews is an absolute gem, but my favorite is:

Quote:
The cd The Essential Johnny Cash is based on his songs and music like Ring of Fire and A Boy Named Sue. The instrument that plays in Ring Of Fire is a trumphet that is high brass and for A Boy Named Sue is a giutar that is loud. The thing that brings out the songs is that he`s a musician and talented. His attidude was bad sometimes because of drugs he was taking. Like always Johnny Cash will always be sensation as a true good, sensation singer known as the Man in Black and for his music.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 2:38 am 
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That's poetry


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 3:01 am 
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Its almost like a Vonnegut novel. All that's missing are some crude hand-drawn illustrations and time travel as a plot device.


Last edited by Tom Hagen on Fri Jun 13, 2008 3:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 3:02 am 
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More Cody (or whatever his name is) for everyone to enjoy:

Quote:
The artist of my cd is Kenny Chesney. He is an awesome singer. I always tell my mom that Kenny Chesney is my future husband. I love his songs and music, so he's probably one of my all time favorite singers. One of his most recent songs is called "Wife and Kids", and I love that song. The title of the whole cd is Just Who I Am, and the style of the cd is country. The rating the computer had for this cd is four stars, although I give it five stars. Just because I love Kenny Chesney's cd's and music. This is a good cd for people that like country. Like me I love country.

Like me I love this review!


Last edited by SoyCuba on Fri Jun 13, 2008 3:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 3:03 am 
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That says more about Vonnegut than Cody S.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 6:05 am 
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Jeff wrote:
I was so taken with Cody's review that I found it at Amazon and looked at his profile. All of his reviews are written in the same wacky "Dick and Jane" prose style, but he has signed each one with a different name.

The reviews come in batches and vary slightly in the quality of spelling and punctuation, though they are clearly all written by children. Maybe a teacher posting reviews written by his class?


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 10:40 am 
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Kinsayder wrote:
Maybe a teacher posting reviews written by his class?

More than likely, yes. But what teacher has their children watch Superbad?

Quote:
Superbad is a comedy, it is rated R. Some of the actors are Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Seth Rogen, Bill Hader, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, and Emma Stone. It came out on DVD in 2007 and is available to purchase now for $16.99. Since I like comedy movies, this was a good movie for me!

C.W.

I also like this review of the book Farm Team:

Quote:
A young boy starts a team. It all starts when a dealer sells his mom a bad car and his dad gets mad. The father goes to jail, so the mom works in towm and the son takes care the farm.They start a team on the farm. WANT TO READ MORE???? Read farm team.

(Author Unknown)


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 11:12 am 
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The movie "Happy Feet",is cute and funny.This landscape of it is antarctica..The Penguins there have to find their own love songs.If movies goes like penkins and love movies,then this is the show for them.

penkins


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 11:14 am 
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movies goes = moviegoers?


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 11:43 am 
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Kinsayder wrote:
The reviews come in batches and vary slightly in the quality of spelling and punctuation, though they are clearly all written by children. Maybe a teacher posting reviews written by his class?

Don't know why I didn't think of that. Now that I realize they were written by a bunch of different kids and not some semi-literate adult, they're more endearing than funny. I'm sure (s)he's just letting kids review things that they have at home.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 1:22 pm 

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This is a great new word that Cody (or the Cash reviewer) came up with.

Quote:
attidude


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 11:46 pm 
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An IMDB comment on Bruce Conner's Crossroads:
"A bit of research told me that everything what was alive before the bomb tests, died after the tests, or became mutant. Perhaps you like to see things die. Well, then you surely must see this film. If you're not scared, that is. I hope you do, because this short film is bad! If you like bombs, please, look at 'Blown Away', a very good picture with Jeff Bridges and Tommy Lee Jones. But if you're evil, bad and mean, you really must see this demonic picture."


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:27 am 
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The best example of a "rediculous" statement I have found on the web was on La Dolce Vita's imdb page, it's the standard "This movie sucks!" post, but it was really just the title that did it:

IMDB user said:
Quote:
Made me want to kill my family

Which I thought was some perverse reference to the movie, but was actually just him trying to rile up the boards with his subjective anger.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 11:21 pm 
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I have never posted anything in this thread before but came across and thought that it warranted a post. This a review of the Facets release of "Valerie and her Week of Wonders"

Quote:
6 of 44 people found the following review helpful:
What the hell is wrong with people who like this crap?, February 23, 2004
By Mr. Christopher L. Cox (austin, Texas United States) - See all my reviews

The Czechs are weird. I think their archetypal imagery is pretty far gone from what mine is because I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on during most of this extrememly strange sex and incest ridden fairy tale about a young girl's burgeoning sexuality (I think) and vampires with no dental plan. Right from the start, it's clear this was made in the early 70's or so. It takes about ten minutes for one to start remembering stumbling across something like it when you were young and swearing off odd-ball foreign films until you came across "Delicatessen" or "La Femme Nikita" or some such classic. Really, this is like those norway mythological films they used to savage on "Mystery Science Theater 3000" only without a Harryhausen imitator to pick up the slow points.
So basically, Valerie is a sweet young thing who finds that her earrings are magical, protect her from all harm, and let her see her seemingly idyllic village for what it really is (?), a lair of the undead, her face-painted-white-to-indicate-she's-old granny soon to be among them. Everyone is crewing in fields or getting bitten by these Deliverance-toothed vampires, her brother is alternately trying to screw her and getting tortured by the main vampire guy who is either or grandfather or her father, the town priest is also trying to screw her and trying unsuccessfully to burn her at the stake when she spurns his advances. I'm at a loss why so many people are "discovering" this film now and raving about it. Perhaps for laughing and throwing out lines with a bunch of friends, its perfect, but other than that....well, at least it's short. I can understand the appreciation of surreal symbolism heavy non-narrative filmmaking. Watch Jean Luc-Goddard's "Weekend" or Alejandro Jodorosky's "The Holy Mountain", but this is just plain silly nonsensical olan-mills lit crap.

love the Olan Mills reference at the end


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 11:25 pm 
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As always, spelling Godard's name wrong always makes me chuckle. Sadly, this is such a typical review of any foreign film. Some people are so insecure in their perceived lack of intelligence that they automatically label any film that strays from what they've seen before as "bad," so as to mask any suggestions that they don't get it: No one could get it, it's just weird and awful, maaan.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:07 am 
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Yeah, we could have a whole thread of just funny Salo reviews.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:38 am 
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LOL


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:46 am 
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Cobalt60 wrote:
Yeah, we could have a whole thread of just funny Salo reviews.

Consider me inspired. Culled from the pages of the always reliable Flixster.com:

Jim T. wrote:
I found this movie to be a real bore. Not much happens really, and practically someone is nude in almost every scene. It is not as bad as I thought it would be, although there certainly were some strange scenes in the movie. Can't say I recommend seeing this one even for the controversy.

Arash A. wrote:
Saw some clips on youtube and they were right: this is the most disturbing/horrifying films you'll ever see. No wonder the director was murdered shortly after the release of this film."

Jennifer L. wrote:
i was a little disappointed when i saw this movie. i expected more disturbing them, and gore... and English subtitles. When i was watching it i wasn't aware how old the movie was either so.. u know how old movie go with acting. i'll have to watch it again with English subs.

Especially amusing is the comment left on Jennifer's review:

Vanessa B. wrote:
hmm i havent seen it but what you sad i have to agree


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