The Jeffrey Wells Thread

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senseabove
Joined: Wed Dec 02, 2015 3:07 am

Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#351 Post by senseabove » Sat Sep 21, 2019 5:00 pm

He’s really got it out for UG. It provoked this earlier in the month:

“In other words not one person so far feels as I do. And I’m telling you the truth, mon freres. Which is why you can’t trust “critics”, per se. Because they’re all living in their own little fickle cubbyholes while Hollywood Elsewhere is standing tall and firm with its feet planted on the sidewalk and looking dead smack at cosmic reality each and every minute of every day…no let-up.”

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colinr0380
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Location: Chapel-en-le-Frith, Derbyshire, UK

Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#352 Post by colinr0380 » Sun Sep 22, 2019 5:45 am

These days I just like thinking of Jeffrey Wells as the Neil Breen of film criticism.

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DarkImbecile
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Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#353 Post by DarkImbecile » Fri Nov 08, 2019 1:10 pm

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jedgeco
Joined: Tue Nov 23, 2004 11:28 am

Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#354 Post by jedgeco » Fri Nov 08, 2019 2:12 pm

Anybody call him yet?

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domino harvey
Dot Com Dom
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Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#355 Post by domino harvey » Fri Nov 08, 2019 2:46 pm

This just makes me kind of sad. Grandpa's losing it

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Gregory
Joined: Tue Nov 02, 2004 4:07 pm

Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#356 Post by Gregory » Fri Nov 08, 2019 5:47 pm

Is that his license number in the highlighted box?
"Someone please steal my identity! ... Anyone?"

And he liked Knives Out but still had to yell at Rian Johnson about "HIPSTER PANTS":
“Incidentally, I HATED the cut of her pants cuffs, riding three or four inches above the sneaker line. Only hipster assholes wear pants that are cut like that. Are you telling me that Ana’s character, a Paraguayan woman who lives on a modest salary with her family in a grubby, smallish apartment, is going to wear HIGH-CUFF HIPSTER PANTS? I don’t think so!”

Johnson reply: “So happy you dug it, man. Though there goes our shot at a BEST PANTS nom.”

Ishmael
Joined: Tue Nov 02, 2004 2:56 pm

Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#357 Post by Ishmael » Fri Nov 08, 2019 6:59 pm

jedgeco wrote:
Fri Nov 08, 2019 2:12 pm
Anybody call him yet?
Contacting him now. "Hate to do this via text big guy but we need to break up. I can’t date a man who isn’t able to deliver me chicken mcnuggets and non-alcoholic beer and drive me to the proctologist twice a week. Hope you like taking the bus, hot pants"

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Brian C
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2009 11:58 am
Location: Chicago, IL

Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#358 Post by Brian C » Fri Nov 08, 2019 7:11 pm

I thought maybe I’d give him a call to see if he had any Vinessa Shaw nude pics he could send me.

Jack Kubrick
Joined: Sun Jun 02, 2019 9:13 pm

Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#359 Post by Jack Kubrick » Tue Feb 11, 2020 9:57 pm

Wells is having an uproar over the possibility of a Bernie Sanders nomination, beating out his boy Pete Buttigieg. This is what happens when you pal around with Sasha Stone for too much of your ime.

Jack Kubrick
Joined: Sun Jun 02, 2019 9:13 pm

Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#360 Post by Jack Kubrick » Sun May 17, 2020 12:19 am

Image

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therewillbeblus
Joined: Tue Dec 22, 2015 3:40 pm

Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#361 Post by therewillbeblus » Sun May 17, 2020 12:29 am

Did.. did he just insult her in an otherwise heartfelt memoriam?

Jack Kubrick
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Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#362 Post by Jack Kubrick » Sun May 17, 2020 12:31 am

The passage after Laggies says it all.

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hearthesilence
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2005 4:22 am
Location: NYC

Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#363 Post by hearthesilence » Sun May 17, 2020 12:33 am

Classy.

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therewillbeblus
Joined: Tue Dec 22, 2015 3:40 pm

Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#364 Post by therewillbeblus » Sun May 17, 2020 12:39 am

It's a real sickness when you're so conditioned to being condescending that you dole out unintentional mean-spiritedness when trying to be heartfelt.

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tenia
Ask Me About My Bassoon
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Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#365 Post by tenia » Sun May 17, 2020 5:23 am

That's called being a real a-hole, I believe.

Maurice Micklewhite
Joined: Thu Jun 04, 2020 7:23 pm

Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#366 Post by Maurice Micklewhite » Fri Jun 05, 2020 12:45 am

Wells - not for the first time - has sound issues with his upstairs neighbors. He has written a typically Wells letter in response: weirdly aggressive, snidely rude and totally lacking in self-awareness.

“In an apartment complex with thin walls, it is not only unneighborly but uncivilized to speak loudly in a phone conversation as you tromp around your apartment in noisy shoes at 6:05 am. You are waking my wife, who is trying to sleep. And this is the second morning in a row that you’ve done this.

“Are you capable of showing just a little bit of courtesy? Is there some kind of basic blockage you’re trying to cope with?

“Before 9 am, please use headphones for phone calls and keep your voice down. Try to speak in a conversational tone, and don’t bellow like you’re speaking to hundreds in a bullfight arena without a microphone. And please don’t walk around your apartment in clompy shoes — try barefoot or socks or sandals.

“I feel as if I’m speaking to someone at a dinner table who (a) was never told to eat her food with modest-sized bites, (b) was never told to not speak with her mouth full and (c) was never told to put a napkin on her lap.

“You know…civilized behavior? Manners? You’ve heard of this stuff, right?

“Yesterday morning my wife complained to EGL Properties about your thoughtless behavior — they responded with understanding and concern. She also called the West Hollywood Sheriff’s department.

“I don’t care care who you’re loudly speaking to at 6:05 in the morning as it’s not my business, but I’m asking you again to please stop this behavior and stop it now.”

Maurice Micklewhite
Joined: Thu Jun 04, 2020 7:23 pm

Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#367 Post by Maurice Micklewhite » Fri Jun 05, 2020 1:06 am

I have seen a few questions on this board asking who Wells is and why anyone would care about his thoughts on aspect ratios, film preservation or film in general. While it’s clear he doesn’t have much - if any - expertise in those areas (or even a working knowledge), I have accumulated a list of his bigoted, mean-spirited and often bizarre rantings that make him his industry’s laughing stock.

He has bizarre views on women
- Wells attempted to solicit naked photos of Vinessa Shaw from James Mangold (https://deadline.com/2007/09/creepiest- ... wood-3216/)
- Wells pined for a world in which women behaved more like well-trained dogs (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2009/06/just-hot-enough/)
- Wells suggested that women wouldn't be able to deal with “The Revenant” (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2015/11/ ... our-words/)
- Wells took credit for a part of the box office success of “The Revenant” (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2016/01/ ... seriously/)
- Wells fat-shamed Aliens star Carrie Henn (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2013/05/ ... vaporized/)
- Wells wrote various about Kristen Stewart’s personal life, even boring other writers about her haircut (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2018/05/ ... -the-idea/)
and suggesting that - if he were Stewart - he would try to sleep with women he deemed more attractive (http://gawker.com/brave-male-film-criti ... 1784483193)
- Miles Teller caught Wells gawking at a woman young enough to be his daughter (or granddaughter) and told him to stop (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2014/10/ ... ert-story/)
- Wells wrote a post that was one of the inspirations behind Amy Schumer’s “Last F*ckable Day” skit (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2008/04/slight-disparit/)

He frequently engages in vindictive or weird online relationships with film writers and filmmakers
- Wells told fellow blogger Drew McWeeny he hoped that McWeeny would have a heart attack and leave his children fatherless. (https://twitter.com/DrewMcWeeny/status/ ... 6495255552)
- Wells gave a shockingly insincere commiserations to McWeeny when the later lost his job (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2016/09/ ... s-pothole/ https://twitter.com/DrewMcWeeny/status/ ... 5715435529)
- Wells accused rival Oscar blogger Ryan 'Wee Man' Adams of alcoholism because over Adams’ disdain for Wells' coverage of the 2014/2015 Oscar race (https://www.awardsdaily.com/2015/01/08/ ... istortion/)
- Wells refused to attend a conference with other critics at a British Festival after a mishap with the Wi-Fi at the hotel (https://www.ericdsnider.com/blog/jeff-w ... f-himself/)
- Wells asked a dying Ebert to weigh in on the Shane aspect ratio controversy (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2013/04/ ... -required/)
- Wells still insisted he was correct about “Rosemary’s Baby” aspect ration even when Polanski himself insisted he was wrong (http://www.criterionforum.org/forum/vie ... 1&start=75)
- Wells has a well-known antagonism towards fellow blogger David Poland, making frequent “Jihad” references towards Poland’s ethnicity (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2011/07/what-gives/)
- Mark Romanek attacked Wells when the later tried to passive aggressively minimise Domnhall Gleeson’s success in 2015 (https://twitter.com/wellshwood/status/6 ... 1013913600)
- James Mangold had enough of Wells’ obnoxiousness and attacked him on Twitter (https://www.indiewire.com/2017/12/james ... 201908819/)
- Wells is increasingly banning left-of-centre commentators and his site is home for alt-right loonies and Trump apologists (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2020/06/ ... d-to-curb/)

He has poor filmgoing/film writing etiquette
- Wells frequently walks out of films that he can't cope with, like “Destroyer” (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2018/09/ ... n-my-seat/) and “The Incredibles 2” (https://twitter.com/DrewMcWeeny/status/ ... 6585982978)
- Wells suggested that he is right and others are wrong about Inglourious Basterds because the ‘Movie Godz’ told him so (https://www.awardsdaily.com/2010/02/17/ ... -basterds/)
- Wells pretended to have a heart attack when caught sneaking in a film festival screening (https://twitter.com/Nickrob/status/1040407113451728896)
- Wells arrived late for a media screening and made himself a pain to cinema staff (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2014/05/ ... y-shutout/)

He is a nuisance for PR people
- Wells walked out of interviewing Jason Clarke at a Zero Dark Thirty press event because the meter on his parking spot was running out (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2012/12/jessica-and-jas/)
- Self-described “Mellow” Wells berated “Irked” Kurt Russell at an event for “Hateful Eight” about the gun control debate (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2015/12/ ... trols-etc/)
- during an Armageddon press conference, a pre-H-E Wells annoyed Ben Affleck and the rest of the press with his irrelevant questions about “Dogma”. Affleck's response: "How silly and lame is that ... I mean, to borrow a phrase: 'Who the fuck talks like that?'” (https://www.eonline.com/news/36857/affl ... es-website)
- Wells left a hat at a Bed and Breakfast near the Sundance Film Festival to book a room for next year. He suggested the hat was "emotionally vivid” and eventually the proprietor was so frustrated by his behaviour that she gave the hat to police for Wells to collect (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2012/05/ ... recap-4-1/ http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2008/12/end-of-the-hat/)
- Wells wrote a hilariously delusional email to Robert Redford when Sundance didn’t provide him with press credentials (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2019/01/ ... -card-zip/)

His personal life is often in turmoil due to his “eccentric” personality
- Wells posted a hateful ranting over his gay neighbour (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2013/03/ ... -upstairs/)
- Wells called his scooter a "rumblehog", putting a fox tail on it and spending multiple posts defending that … until the tail was stolen in record time, something everyone called (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2018/07/ ... y-foxtail/)
- Wells almost killed another driver due to negligence behind the wheel and found the driver’s shock hilarious (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2017/07/ ... omans-car/)
- Wells attempted to eat pear cake in tin foil at a plush restaurant and was stunned when the staff refused to give him utensils as they were closing up (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2012/05/ ... recap-5-1/)

He behaves excruciatingly poorly whenever anyone passes away
- Wells bragged about ‘crashing’ James Gandolfini’s funeral: in truth, he mistakenly thought he had when – in fact – it was a public funeral (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2013/06/ ... ervention/)
- Wells’ obituary of Bob Clark represents all his worst instincts, from unasked for opinions about the director’s work to an attempt to blame him for his death: “Clark always struck me as a coarse and unsubtle man because he always made grossly “commercial” movies — i.e., ones that always aimed low, low, lower than low. His films always managed to convey a certain blue-collar crudeness, and I pretty much hated each and every one of them” (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2007/04/bob-clark-is-de/)
- Wells had a pretty disgusting obituary of Lynn Shelton, where he made a point that her best film was written by someone else (https://twitter.com/EscapeIntoFilm/stat ... 3353286656)

And these are just plain weird thoughts
- Wells hates burgundy and maroon (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2019/05/ ... or-maroon/)
- Wells believes the best comedies don’t make you laugh (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2017/06/ ... -comedies/ http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2009/09/no-laugh-funny/)
- Wells feels that long showers are for the weak (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2010/05/ ... he-show-2/)
- Wells asserts he has never been impressed by Jupiter (http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2017/04/who-cares-2/)

Orlac
Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2009 4:29 am

Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#368 Post by Orlac » Fri Jun 05, 2020 9:14 am

What a disgusting man.

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domino harvey
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Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#369 Post by domino harvey » Fri Jun 05, 2020 10:19 am

Seriously, Jupiter rules, what the dang

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yoloswegmaster
Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2016 3:57 pm

Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#370 Post by yoloswegmaster » Fri Jun 05, 2020 10:47 pm

That Miles Teller story is hilarious. This section of the story is truly the greatest thing anyone has ever written.
Then I realized the guy, who was wearing a powder-blue shirt of some kind, was Miles Teller….”yo, Whiplash!” I naturally started eyeballing him instead of ginger girl. Then ginger girl dropped something and bent over to pick it up just as she and Teller were passing me, and I couldn’t resist checking out the cheeks. Hey, anybody would have…c’mon. She wasn’t looking so what the hell…right? Except Teller was looking at me. And then the humiliation: “Don’t be a pervert, man.” And he kind of bellowed it. Shamed, I tried a little “oh, no, no, man…I was just…you know, you and Damien Chazelle, man…I’m on the team!” But he kept looking at me like I was scum. The irony is that I never gape at women shamelessly.
I wholeheartedly believe that Jeffery Wells would never gape at women. He would just email them asking for nudes.

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whaleallright
Joined: Sun Sep 25, 2005 12:56 am

Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#371 Post by whaleallright » Sat Jun 06, 2020 2:33 am

How is this guy not a Tim Heidecker character?

Jack Kubrick
Joined: Sun Jun 02, 2019 9:13 pm

Re: The Jeffrey Wells Thread

#372 Post by Jack Kubrick » Fri Jun 19, 2020 10:47 pm

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