This week's viewings, and some weird synchronicity issues this round-- one day I inadvertently watched two films back to back that featured a character killing themselves by injecting their veins with air, and then the next day I saw
three films where one of the protagonists accidentally kills their friend instead of the villain!
the Descent (Neil Marshall 2005) A frustrating film given that there's several great scenes of stomach-lurching tension involving the mechanations of being caught in an unexplored cave, but on either side of these fine set pieces are either under-written attempts at providing the eventual victims with backstories (though this is such a standard practice in this genre that it hardy merits notice) and gratuitous but engaging monster movie standards. I don't object to the introduction of the creatures outright, but I wish they'd been conceived to make a little more sense-- I can buy that they hunt by sound, but if two girls are whispering five feet away from you in an otherwise empty cave, don't you think the monster's gonna hear that? Or notice if they walk on fire? But the film goes for broke trying to get you to overlook the multitude of glaring problems by amping up the gore and letting its protagonist (literally?) go crazy in the hopes that no one notices. I know my take on this is apparently pretty standard, but that's what happens when you don't get around to things like this for eight years!
Lifeforce (Tobe Hooper 1985) So, against all odds, I thought this was much better than its reputation led me to believe. Maybe the extended cut adds in things that smooth out some of the issues others have with the film, but I found this absurd sci-fi epic tale of "space vampires" surprisingly well-done and the best film I've seen from Hooper. It helps that Hooper takes a page from his
Poltergeist helming and reigns in his more loathsome character tics-- maybe giving him a big budget causes him to turn down the volume on the grate-o-meter? It sure looks like it lost a money for whoever funded this! For a film where the antagonist is fully nude for almost her entire screen-time, the movie treats her and all of the bizarre events in the film without a wink to their absurdity, giving it the feel of one of those "boy's adventure stories" from
Weird Tales or something.
Manhattan Baby (Lucio Fulci 1982) Unbelievable: When the taxidermied birds come to life and attack an Egyptian expert, they spend minutes clawing away at the skin on his face while leaving his eyes intact. Fulci, I don't even know you anymore! This movie is, like all Fulci movies though, utter nonsense. Something about an ancient amulet which transports some unlucky souls to Egypt in exchange for a pile of sand on our end or something? And that ugly little boy from another Fulci film from this era (they all run together) is in this too, which doesn't help. Best detail: the three American flags in the kids' room to indicate that this takes place in "America"
Mimic (Guillermo Del Toro 1997) An odd choice for a splashy American debut given its dank and unpleasant atmosphere, this one's very much a piece with its mid-90s monster movie brethren. A movie mostly set in grimy underground tunnels and starring giant bugs less congenial than cockroaches is probably not going to be a lot of fun in even the best hands, and the film's nastiness early on when it offs two ragtag kids leaves a bitter taste while still straddling the line between conventional Hollywood action film and dark horror flick. This was another one I'd seen as a kid and mostly forgotten and I suspect it'll re-earn half that fate soon enough
the Ninth Gate (Roman Polanski 1999) A silly film, but one told in a pleasant and slow-moving fashion. I was impressed with how leisurely Polanski managed to let this all unfold, and there's no indication that he takes the film even a little bit seriously. Frank Langella's brash Satan-obsessed collector is the best thing here, even if his character's not especially bright (his private code to everything is "666"-- how long do you think it'd take anyone to crack that?) and on-screen far too little. Johnny Depp's look in this one is "Some fucking douche who wants to talk to you about
A Confederacy of Dunces in grad school"
the Puppet Masters (Stuart Orme 1994) About as good as I remembered it from some premium cable airing 15+ years ago, this bite at the
Invasion of the Body Snatchers apple even has the gall to cast Donald Sutherland in its take on the covert alien invasion! Everything moves along at a brisk pace and there's of course great pleasure in seeing Richard Belzer in an action sequence. For those who've seen the film, I ran across a somewhat embittered response to the final film from one of the original screenwriters
here, though he's far less charitable toward the final product than is warranted
the Ring (Gore Verbinski 2002) Well, in the plus column, there's a clear and well-defined visual palate at play here, with everything looking like it was shot unfiltered under fluorescent lights and minimal sets and backdrops. There's also a great sequence out of nowhere involving a horse on a ferry that's bizarre and the only thing here that showed a willful imagination. Otherwise this is by-the-numbers nonsense where characters find themselves in a ghost story and make up the rules as they go along-- ie no real stakes. The last-minute imparting of some hint at moral quandary was the most interesting element in play and then the film just ends instead of exploring it. Maybe the sequel focuses on how one goes on living their day-to-day life after making that choice, I foolishly thought to myself…
the Ring Two (Hideo Nakata 2005) … ahhahahahahahh no. It's hard to remember the last time I saw a sequel as bad as this miserable mess. While I was no fan of the original, it at least had some kind of internal logic, however arbitrary. This is just
Goosebumps, with weird shit happening for no reason, countless dream sequences, and no reason for existing whatsoever. Poor Naomi Watts was presumably either trapped into a sequel contractually, or the studio threw enough money at her to hold her nose, because I cannot imagine anyone seeing this script as desirable on purpose. There is one good sequence with Emily VanCamp from
Revenge where being exposed to the videotape is given parallels with date rape, but this comes and goes in the first ten minutes and all that's left is the worst kind of sequel tendencies-- watered down retreads of earlier events, insulting audience "rewards," &c. Also, the "unrated" tag on this one is particularly amusing given that I am positive this version of the film could be rated PG as-is
Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (Lee Harry 1987) If you're like me and have to watch any film all the way through, don't even bother with this. If you can compromise your viewing just a tad and skip the first 45 minutes of this bonkers sequel to a not very good slasher film, you might be surprised at the gonzo comic touches afforded this tale of a previously nonexistent brother to the protagonist in the first film. And if you haven't seen the original yet, don't worry, that's what the first half of this movie is. Once the clip show therapy session is over and the film can get to the new material, however, the movie delivers a series of zero budget set pieces that left me frequently laughing out loud at some of the funniest and most surreal movie violence this side of
Dead Alive. The gonzo non-sequitur of
"Garbage Day" is already well-permeated in the minds of many thanks to the internet, but there's plenty of equally strange and memorable moments, as when the brother stabs a loan shark with an umbrella and then opens it, exposing the bloody fan of fabric and wires behind the wound, or when the murderer's date brings him to the movies to watch… the first
Silent Night, Deadly Night!
the Strangers (Bryan Bertino 2008) Relentless and effective suspense film concerning an unmotivated, unfair, and undeserved home invasion that's far more concerned with clever menacing than direct violence… at least, for a while. The pic's a slow-burner and does a good job setting the scene and gradually turning up the dial on the horrific actions, but I enjoyed the film far more when it looked like it was going in a
Walking Dead direction (the Karloff film, not the TV show), with the perpetrators committing no actual harm to their victims but maneuvering them into dangerous situations by affecting their surroundings. Unfortunately, it veers into
Funny Games territory by the end and it all becomes one big exercise in nothing. I'd love to compliment the film for being well-made, having a clear sense of tone, and accurately conveying a tense and legit scary situation, but it's all just employed at the service of pointless nihilism. Someone besides Liv Tyler should have asked "Why are you doing this?"
Wrong Turn (Rob Schmidt 2003) I'm obviously not as well-versed in the "mutant hicks" subgenre as I should be but I had some insurmountable problems with this despite it being moderately entertaining. Mainly, I had trouble understanding who these cretinous cannibal sociopaths were, how they'd survived so long, why they were so dead-set on going after Our Heroes, how they knew how many teens there were and where they were at all times, how they managed to remain unnoticed despite doing things like killing cops Fulci-style, why they needed to kill the stragglers once they'd already stolen anything of value, and how they were superhuman in strength and ability and stamina and speed and internal GPSing. I assume these questions and many others aren't answered in the plethora of direct-to-DVD sequels in this series