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I think Deep Blue Sea is actually a really good movie, but the idea of bringing plausibility into an argument for the film is amazing

That's the one the "smart" sharks, right? If so I find that review even more dumbfounding. I feel my brain turning inside-out trying to make sense of it.

Isn't there already a reason for sharks' violent behaviour? I think it's called being a fucking shark. I could be wrong, tho'.

I do guiltily enjoy Deep Blue Sea, mostly for seeing the cast relishing the chance to be placed in situations that likely only occur once in their career (especially what happens with Stellan Skarsgard! Or Aida Turturro, better known as the sister from The Sopranos, getting spectacularly blown up!), but I am still scratching my head over exactly why Saffron Burrows's character does so many ridiculously stupid things - surely even the scientists from Prometheus could not have made as many staggeringly silly decisions as her character does in this film!

Anway everyone knows that the key to unlocking the stunning multi-layered intricacy of Deep Blue Sea's structure lies within the lyrics to LL Cool J's enigmatic theme song: "Deepest bluest, my hat is like a shark's fin"

I always thought it was "hand," which sort of makes sense. Now all is lost

It has been a while since I last listened to it. Perhaps he did say that it was his hand that was like a shark's fin. Oh, the problems of film interpretation - one misheard lyric and my entire thesis falls apart! (it was going to be something about how the characters all wear different 'hats' throughout the film in failed attempts to tackle the situation, but that it takes thinking like a brainy shark, i.e. wearing their 'hat', to defeat them!)

It's definitely hat.

Some wonderful reviews from IMDb, any guesses as to what basically canonical film is deserving of this vitriol?

"Aparently blind deaph people can become directors."

"This film serves no purpose but to annoy."

"Humanity has made a lot of mistakes in the past , and this is one.
Everything of what the other posters above said is exactly what this movie is , a incredibly terrible , awfull , disgusting piece of material that should be burned and their makers made to go public and apologize to the world and then taken to the town square and recieve some sort of capital punishment , for this pain is not even close to what the pain they will make you feel by actually watching this for longer then 15 seconds."

"Worse than my five days suffering a kidney stone."

"Utterly pointless."

kidc85 wrote:Some wonderful reviews from IMDb, any guesses as to what basically canonical film is deserving of this vitriol?

"Aparently blind deaph people can become directors."

"This film serves no purpose but to annoy."

"Humanity has made a lot of mistakes in the past , and this is one.
Everything of what the other posters above said is exactly what this movie is , a incredibly terrible , awfull , disgusting piece of material that should be burned and their makers made to go public and apologize to the world and then taken to the town square and recieve some sort of capital punishment , for this pain is not even close to what the pain they will make you feel by actually watching this for longer then 15 seconds."

"Worse than my five days suffering a kidney stone."

"Utterly pointless."

I dunno...8 1/2? Breathless?

If I made a movie, and somebody wrote about it "humanity has made a lot of mistakes in the past, and this is one", there's no way that's not going on the poster.

So, watching 30 seconds of this movie is worse than death? If it runs two hours, that means it's 240 times worse than death to watch the entire film, by my count. It must be doing something right if it's eliciting that kind of extreme reaction.

Just tell us! There are a lot of movies out there, after all. And you've piqued my curiosity.

Amazon customer's one star review for new TCM Joan Crawford collection: (this set seems like excellent value for money with Humoresque, Mildred Pierce, The Damned Don't Cry and Possessed. It's $18,93 on Amazon and probably even cheaper elsewhere.)

"This set of four Joan Crawford movies is definitely NOT for the true Joan Crawford fan. Why? Because, if you ARE a true Joan Crawford fan, you ALREADY OWN these films on DVD! They've been available for YEARS! Where is "Autumn Leaves"? Where is "Harriet Craig"? Where is "The Last of Mrs. Cheyney"? Where is a proper release of "Sudden Fear"? There, I just named four films that would make a great Joan Crawford DVD set. Now, would someone PLEASE pass that on to whoever it is that is so desperate to get more of my money?!!"

The same crank left a similar comment on the Bette Davis collection. The Crawford set is a great deal because it's less than half the price of the original box set that contained those 4 films and it doesn't come with The Women.

Thomas Dukenfield wrote:If I made a movie, and somebody wrote about it "humanity has made a lot of mistakes in the past, and this is one", there's no way that's not going on the poster.

So, watching 30 seconds of this movie is worse than death? If it runs two hours, that means it's 240 times worse than death to watch the entire film, by my count. It must be doing something right if it's eliciting that kind of extreme reaction.

By that logic, it's actually only 90 times worse than death. Still, that's one hell of a pull-quote.

Saw this one in one of thechive.com's daily galleries. Love it.

Dear George,

The writer and director of Sunshine were British and we don't use the expression 'Daylight saving time.' We say 'putting the clocks back.'

Love Ross x

colinr0380 wrote:I do guiltily enjoy Deep Blue Sea, mostly for seeing the cast relishing the chance to be placed in situations that likely only occur once in their career (especially what happens with Stellan Skarsgard! Or Aida Turturro, better known as the sister from The Sopranos, getting spectacularly blown up!), but I am still scratching my head over exactly why Saffron Burrows's character does so many ridiculously stupid things - surely even the scientists from Prometheus could not have made as many staggeringly silly decisions as her character does in this film!

Anway everyone knows that the key to unlocking the stunning multi-layered intricacy of Deep Blue Sea's structure lies within the lyrics to LL Cool J's enigmatic theme song: "Deepest bluest, my hat is like a shark's fin"

how can you discuss this masterpiece and not acknowledge the greatest unexpected character death in the history of cinema? BRILLIANT!

and hilarious.

how can you discuss this masterpiece and not acknowledge the greatest unexpected character death in the history of cinema? BRILLIANT!

and hilarious.

Maybe because that honor belongs to Janet Leigh in Psycho?

True, Psycho did it better. But I suppose it is funny to see Sam Jackson mugging to the camera if you slow motion his backwards fall into the pool (and the commentary track tops it all off with Mr Jackson disappearing at that point to go off and play golf!)

From the Blu-Ray.com RoboCop review:

Sir Terrence wrote:I really enjoyed watching Robocop. While the violence was gratuitus, there was a point to it all. I found the picture quality fairly good, and could easily look past the warts and enjoy the movie. While the sound was band limited, it still bought me into the movie. If you have enjoyed Robocop in the past, you will love this present incarnation.

Sir Terrence wrote:While the violence was gratuitus, there was a point to it all.

Erm...

Very much in the spirit of this thread, one-star IMDB reviews of Sight and Sound's new top 10 films.

From a CNN.com comment:

im tired of really old movies getting the best ratings.. same thing on Rotten tomatoes, 60% of the top 100 are before 1960s. Boring plots, stiff, over-acted dialogue, and of course zero effects (i dont care that they didnt have the tech.. why is that my problem?). Battleship Potemkin from the 1930s is on the list but Avatar (which made 2 billion dollars) isn't, because Avatar is new. Battleship Potemkin doesn't even have sound, its a silent movie. It's a joke. If these films came out today they would bust completley, it's only the elitist snobs who vote for them.

brendanjc wrote:Very much in the spirit of this thread, one-star IMDB reviews of Sight and Sound's new top 10 films.

Vertigo review is priceless,guy's clearly a troll,one star reviews for The Godfather,Taxi driver,The Shining etc but for some reason he shows mercy for M and gives it a five star review:
"Even though it was made in the 1930s this film is actually very good. It is very exciting and even though some parts look rubbish and it is spoken in FOREIGN you will ignore that and enjoy it."
.

Clearly at some point I'm going to need to give up the internet just in order to maintain my sanity and my belief in the basic worth of humanity.