'Rediculous' Customer & Critic Reviews

[bearcuborg]

What is wrong? Just to name a few:
3. He never established no film department....

[HistoryProf]

not so much a review, but such stupidity deserves to be mocked somewhere....

http://www.thestar.com/entertainment/mo ... me-puzzler" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I hate people.

stupid Canuck. that's about the most insufferable anti-intellectual rant I've yet seen. it's not even anti-intellectual....it's just, christ, CHILDISH. He sounds like a jock making fun of the theater kids by calling them fags. And he writes for one of Canada's biggest papers?

[Grand Illusion]

not so much a review, but such stupidity deserves to be mocked somewhere....

http://www.thestar.com/entertainment/mo ... me-puzzler" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I hate people.

Howell makes a point here:

If Burton is so thrilled by such avant-garde experiences as Uncle Boonmee, why doesn’t he try making one himself instead of always swinging for the multiplex with movies starring Johnny Depp, his favorite A-lister, and proven stories like Alice in Wonderland?

Even better, why doesn’t he use some of his Alice loot to help promote, distribute and champion independent films like Uncle Boonmee, instead of just handing out golden goodies before jetting back to Hollywood for his next Johnny Depp power breakfast?

Surely, we like that?

[knives]

That's for me the most Nothing like statement of the whole mess. As Cocteau said, you should never strive for a style (though you should always fail). Burton can appreciate AW, but that doesn't mean that he wants to or even can do that style.

[Grand Illusion]

That's for me the most Nothing like statement of the whole mess. As Cocteau said, you should never strive for a style (though you should always fail). Burton can appreciate AW, but that doesn't mean that he wants to or even can do that style.

I'm not saying Burton should imitate or do something he doesn't want, but it's definitely nice when filmmakers try something new. Even if he fails or if the film comes off as forced, it would undoubtedly be more interesting than another adaptation of a children's property.

Plus, it'd sure be nice if Burton got behind films like this and helped in distribution/promotion. Still, that's not his job and he can do what he wants with his money. And just in awarding the Palme, he already did help the film in its viability.

[Numero Trois]

Looks like someone's already seen Aronofsky's Black Swan. From Netflix:

Sorry, I can't yet rate this movie, because nobody has yet seen it, but hopefully I can tell you enough about it to get you to watch it. I clicked on four stars, because that is where I think it will end up. First, the genre does not tell you enough. It is also dance (classical ballet), strong lesbian theme (and scene), psycho. It has an all star cast. For those of you who don't know who Mila Kunis is, you may remember her as Jackie on that 70's show. A truely beautiful young lady, in her first serious role. Also. top notch names behind the scenses. I wouldn't be surprised if this film doesn't earn a few awards, and we may see Mila on Dancing With the Stars next year because of this performance. Hope this helps.

[Lemmy Caution]

An IMDb review of the documentary Sleep Furiously, a meditative reflection on life in a small rural Welsh town.
Right from the first sentence, you can tell this person doesn't understand that well how IMDb works.

Not a story, 25 June 2009
1/10
Author: celiavelarde from United Kingdom

I completely agree with the above writer. The disjointed nature of the film made it impossible to follow any thread, and anything I was interested in was cut short. For instance, when the calf was born and the mother was licking it - endlessly - did it survive? Why did the dogs fight? I'm afraid I too thought all the longueurs were pretentious, and my neighbour looked at her watch four times! I feel that, although it was made with the best of intentions, there was a strong element of the Emperor's New Clothes about this film. If it was about the demise of a village, it was not made clear why the school closing meant everything else had to go. For me it didn't make a story.

So which is it, was the scene cut short or did the cow endlessly lick its newborn? For the record, unless this person has some extended extra-licks director's cut, I think there were 4 or 5 licks total.

It sure seems this person got bogged down in details and wanted a storyline badly. The film primarily follows the library bookmobile and drops in on various neighbors. We don't get narration or explanation, except for what the people choose to reveal. It's a fairly intimate portrait, but not much is explained or followed up on, which seems to have irked this viewer.

To come away from this gentle, elegiac film asking Why did the dogs fight? (referring to a brief, perhaps 10 second scene) is pretty remarkable.

[zedz]

Howell makes a point here:

If Burton is so thrilled by such avant-garde experiences as Uncle Boonmee, why doesn’t he try making one himself instead of always swinging for the multiplex with movies starring Johnny Depp, his favorite A-lister, and proven stories like Alice in Wonderland?

Even better, why doesn’t he use some of his Alice loot to help promote, distribute and champion independent films like Uncle Boonmee, instead of just handing out golden goodies before jetting back to Hollywood for his next Johnny Depp power breakfast?

Surely, we like that?

But that's not even a coherent position, it's just petulance. Isn't the guy's whole piece based on the fact that he thinks Uncle Boonmee is worthless self-indulgence? Why would he want anybody to give it a financial leg-up? So his position is therefore something like - "I think Tim Burton should make a terrible, self-defeating film that will destroy his career just to prove a point I'm having trouble articulating myself in my shitty little column." Ah, the sweet sound of Nothing-logic!

[Tom Amolad]

But that's not even a coherent position, it's just petulance. Isn't the guy's whole piece based on the fact that he thinks Uncle Boonmee is worthless self-indulgence? Why would he want anybody to give it a financial leg-up? So his position is therefore something like - "I think Tim Burton should make a terrible, self-defeating film that will destroy his career just to prove a point I'm having trouble articulating myself in my shitty little column." Ah, the sweet sound of Nothing-logic!

Actually, I think his logic runs more like "I think this movie is boring and pretentious and therefore Burton surely thinks to too and obviously only gave it the Palme to look hip. Which I'm going to prove by pointing out that (what, one week after Cannes?), Burton still hasn't personally financed its distribution or filmed his own AW homage. QED."

Much better, that.

[zedz]

Well, when you put it like that, I have to bow to his intricate reasoning!

[Steven H]

Amazon reviewer on Cinema Paradiso:

The previews make one think it is a sweet movie about a child who yearns to run a movie projector. That it is, BUT the previews leave out profanity and offensive hand gestures the director makes the children say and do. If I were to imitate in public what the children did in the movie, I would be arrested for public indecency and have to register as a sex offender. And, there are adults that engage in very offensive acts. It is porn and sadly very troubling because the children are made to engage in very blatant immoral activities.

Amazon reviewer on Gummo:

gummo is without a doubt the worst film ive ever seen. well thats not entirely true. i didnt watch the whole thing because i couldnt. the movie is so utterly pointless that anyone with any common sense could stand any more than the ten minutes i saw. at first i thought it might just be a slow beginning but then i fast-forwarded scene by scene and it just kept getting stupider and stupider. the film may seem like a documentary about the aftermath of a tornado in a small american town but there is absolutely nothing worth seeing or even appreciating. the entire film is made up of random unconnected scenes. some of these include a boy in a bunny hat peeing over a bridge, two kids on bicycles who talk about a lesbian cat and middle aged women talking about darkening their nipples. these scenes might come off as hilarious if the film weren't presented in such an eerie atmposphere with its strange lighting and silent background. some people call the film genius and visionary but it isn't. films are created to entertain and there is NO entertainment value at all in this film. the film couldve maybe come off as watchable were it a documetary or comedy or drama or horror movie but it blends all these genres into something that any serious moviegoer would puke at. if put into the hands of a different director perhaps it couldve been a better movie but obviously the director must stick to screenwriting and never enter the realm of directing again.

Amazon reviewer on Au Hasard Balthazar:

This was the biggest waste of money and time ever. We usually love foreign movies, but this was movie was THE most boring, the absolute dullest, stupidest, biggest yawn ever. Don't waste your money and time on a movie that depicts a stupid girl who makes dumb choices. To me, story is king. The movie has no story. Nothing. If you want to try a foreign movie, look for these instead. You'll be glad you did.
* Cinema Paradiso (not the Director's Cut, the original)
* Jean de Florette and Manon of the Spring
* Billy Elliott
* Waking Ned Devine
* Chocolat (well, not sure if this was "foreign" but it was sweet)

[zedz]

films are created to entertain and there is NO entertainment value at all in this film.

Which sort of disproves your first point, doesn't it, Einstein?

If you want to try a foreign movie, look for these instead. You'll be glad you did.
* Cinema Paradiso (not the Director's Cut, the original)
* Jean de Florette and Manon of the Spring
* Billy Elliott
* Waking Ned Devine
* Chocolat (well, not sure if this was "foreign" but it was sweet)

Oh go on, if you can have Billy Elliott we'll let you have Chocolat.

[matrixschmatrix]

Oh go on, if you can have Billy Elliott we'll let you have Chocolat.

And now for my favorite foreign movie, Crocodile Dundee...

[Steven H]

films are created to entertain and there is NO entertainment value at all in this film.

Which sort of disproves your first point, doesn't it, Einstein?

If you want to try a foreign movie, look for these instead. You'll be glad you did.
* Cinema Paradiso (not the Director's Cut, the original)
* Jean de Florette and Manon of the Spring
* Billy Elliott
* Waking Ned Devine
* Chocolat (well, not sure if this was "foreign" but it was sweet)

Oh go on, if you can have Billy Elliott we'll let you have Chocolat.

File this under "Dangerous Trappings of the 'Foreign' Genre"

[domino harvey]

He's right about Gummo, but wrong in how he's right

[HistoryProf]

He's right about Gummo, but wrong in how he's right

what about this guy?

The sheer intellectual, pinnacleness shows the sheer velocity of this movies integrety. The bacon on the wall enphisized the mamality of all the social parasites of everything that thrives today. I liked this movie a lot cause it shows life as it is portrayed in the mixed up society of today. The gay dwarf portrayed a man I know that surely cannot handle this melting pot theory portrayed in this feature motion picture. I award it 1 star and may God have mercy on Harmony's soul.

[tenia]

It's funny, what I remember of Cinema Paradisio (from when I've seen it like 15 years ago when I wa 10) is a wonderfully sweet movie about the relationship of this old man and the boy trying to keep the cinema open.

Porn, outrageous, bla bla bla. Some people really need to get a life.

[R0lf]

A French friend of mine has Crocodile Dundee on his computer in the French dub.

All those reviews of Gummo make me want to see it.

[knives]

Somebody doesn't get the point

Those looking to see more films from Nagisa Oshima after last year's Criterion Collection releases of In the Realm of the Senses and Empire of Passion may be interested in this Eclipse Series box set. Even so, these "stories of outsiders--serial killers, rabid hedonists, and stowaway misfits" are never as interesting as their plots lead to believe.

[matrixschmatrix]

In response to an avclub.com review of the Oshima set:

I appreciate the sentiment of "seminal runs" from directors, but I wish Criterion had a series like the Warner Archive. Just get some translations and minimal restorations done, put them on discs with cool cover art and an essay, and let the public order them directly. They could even prioritize the bestsellers for full Criterion restorations. *sigh*

Boy, I wish everything was just like the Warner Archive...

[domino harvey]

Boy, I wish everything was just like the Warner Archive...

Pretty much the most frightening sentence in the English language

[Jeff]

The funny thing is, what the guy at AV Club described is exactly what Eclipse and Essential Arthouse are, except that they're cheaper than Warner Archive and on real DVDs.

[willoneill]

Isn't that retarded? I never even realized it but it's true; Essential Arthouse and Eclipse are both cheaper than Warner Archive titles, and far more easy to acquire.

[domino harvey]

Pretty great insight from a Wikipedia article:

Alternative Readings
The nationality of each actor and actress in the film may contain symbols and references to history.

[zedz]

Pretty great insight from a Wikipedia article:

Alternative Readings
The nationality of each actor and actress in the film may contain symbols and references to history.

I think I've marked essays by this guy. What was the film? Or does the comment just relate to, you know, films in general?