I think a lot of that is true (and yes, when Ruben is asked how long he’s been clean, followed by how long they’ve been dating, the answer is significantly the same: “Four years”). Often in recovery communities people are advised not to begin a relationship within their first year so that they can focus on independent recovery skills during such a vulnerable time. As you allude to, this is a nudging indicator that Ruben hasn’t taken the full-measures into recovery that he might think he has.
However, I’m not convinced that their codependency was as black-and-white negative as you do, and I definitely reject the absolutism of Ruben not practicing recovery before now (Lou calling his sponsor and his reaction insinuates that he’s not practicing the most stable program, but the scene- as well as his response to Raci about his addiction- does reflect that he’s engaged in the programmatic aspect of recovery beyond just sobriety) or that the couple hasn’t had ‘real’ moments of healing or positive self-growth before that breakup scene. We have no way of knowing that and in fact the only information we get spells the opposite: That breakup scene clarifies that they each feel like they helped the other save their own life, and I have no doubt that subjectively they’re being honest with themselves. Neither would be as functional or happy at the start if it was all a “doubling down” facade stemming from the cunning disease, but simultaneously they each discovered a moment of clarity in Ruben’s deafness that peeled back another onion layer to reveal what needed to happen next, in part by revealing the unhealthy
aspect of their relationship having hit a point of unmanageability when another crisis hits and spoils the complacent rhythm. I do agree that neither of them has engaged independently in recovery, and we get enough information to diagnose that they could have earlier than four years, which is what this crisis signals- and so outside of those rather extreme terms labeling this as blanket-Unhealthy, I overall agree with your assessment, especially:
barryconvex wrote: Wed Mar 24, 2021 11:18 am
It's tempting for anyone to think that once a certain substance has been excised from one's life that one's life has returned to a "manageable" state but it's often not that simple and It's one of the movie's many, many master strokes that it illuminates these facts and also lays everything on the line leading into its final crescendo.
As someone in recovery, something I constantly deal with personally and in my work with others is this spectrum of really doing the work and actively engaging in recovery- and while I myself have regressed back to states of not accepting life on life’s terms due to codependency etc I would never say that at any point I or anyone who loses sight of these things isn’t in recovery at all. I think your points are almost dead-on but I don’t think the film, or life experience for addicts, is permitting such an either/or reading in the use of extremes put forth. Part of the complex treatment of recovery is that it's not so black-and-white, linear, or transferable between stressors, conditions, or crises (not only deafness and addiction, but how many people get physically clean and have no desire to use drugs but cannot practice acceptance in relationships, the workplace, the loss of family members, etc? That's why it's an ongoing sisyphean process full of mobility on that spectrum of practiced recovery for life). It’s certainly time for Ruben to do this alone for once, and that final scene is thoroughly perfect in every way by exemplifying the beginning of the new chapter in his recovery, and yes, the deepest and most vulnerable form of surrender he's ever taken, to the point where it’s a new experience altogether.
My problem with the breakup speech is that although it is definitely unique in how it subverts expectations, it still felt pat and unrealistic. I do love the acting, and Ruben's moment of surrender there is powerful, but the dialogue of him answering for her and ending things by speaking in code put me off, partially because it's a scene that's doing so much right and that false note ruined what should have been the first great breakup scene I've seen in a while. However this is just another example of my problem with the entire last half feeling rushed. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing this again, because as a depiction of the road to surrender in recovery, the film is taking a very novel and complex path- even an alienating one- and I respected it for that. I hate being That Guy, but I felt like if the film had been about half an hour longer and slowed down an already isolating chapter I would've liked it more - but I realize my desire to stew in the familiar terrain of the painful bottom of surrender doesn't reflect how this extra footage would play for most!
