'Rediculous' Customer & Critic Reviews

[RossyG]

File under: general idiocy
I've never forgotten this Bud Dry commercial from (Jeezus) twenty years ago, so I decided to see if it was on YouTube, and sure enough...
And thank god nowadays we have Redbox instead of those elitist Blockbuster stores that were always relentlessly shoving incomprehensible Fellini/Bergman stuff down our throats.

I can't work out whether that ad is slyly taking the piss out of the two men's philistinism - with the despairing woman at the end the representative of enlightened thought - or whether it's just glorifying the idea of wallowing in ignorance the way pigs wallow in their own shit.

I suppose this is the closest British equivalent: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2d241EsL7mw

But it's not as bad as it's ridiculing not real art films but costume dramas, which can often be tiresome and lazily formulaic.

[Gregory]

I can't work out whether that ad is slyly taking the piss out of the two men's philistinism - with the despairing woman at the end the representative of enlightened thought - or whether it's just glorifying the idea of wallowing in ignorance the way pigs wallow in their own shit.

Women likely identified with the woman at the end of the commercial, but these ads were all directed toward males. I remember quite a few beer commercials from long before I was old enough to buy the product (I was a part of a major target market: kids who might grow up to buy the product) and I remember in general that when women weren't just enticing adornments, the ads were often based on a crude "Men from Mars, Women from Venus" thing that could be summed up as: "Wimmen: who can figure 'em?"
Also, to risk pointing out the obvious, ads like these also taught boys what masculinity was, and in this case, it certainly did not involve films like the ones parodied here. Maybe that's part of what led me to wander to the dark side and try out something like Fellini Satyricon, which was one of my first "foreign films."

I suppose this is the closest British equivalent: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2d241EsL7mw
But it's not as bad as it's ridiculing not real art films but costume dramas, which can often be tiresome and lazily formulaic.

That commercial reminds me of this.

(Hm, maybe I should have posted all this this thread.)

[colinr0380]

And all of the above reminded me that, while most of the last couple of seasons of Red Dwarf were terrible, they did do an amusing Jane Austen parody along much the same lines!

[R0lf]

"What Cameron has done here is the most passionate film project put out since Steven Spielberg released Schindler's List."

[Brian C]

What Cameron has done here is the most passionate film project put out since Steven Spielberg released Schindler's List.

I agree that Elizabethtown is unfairly maligned, but that seems like a stretch to ... wait, that's probably the wrong Cameron.

[matrixschmatrix]

I'm assuming that's referring to Aliens of the Deep?

[Brian C]

Huh, maybe it is referring to James ... I was actually thinking Kirk and one of his nutcase endeavors.

EDIT: Yup, Avatar (scroll down). Well, that's quite a bit less funny than I was imagining. Although he does have the following gems:

"James Cameron's Avatar is the most entertaining and enthralling cinematic experiences of my life."

"The performances here, in the sense of reacting, becoming, and understanding what Cameron has written are astounding. Not to be confused with a sensational bravura performance from some of the centuries best such as Marion Brando, Tom Hanks, or Diane Keaton; these actors along with the director inhabit these visual transformations with special effects as if they are have lived these beings all their lives."

"Avatar delivers the best action sequences put on film of all time. That is the boldest statement I have ever made in all my years of criticism. I sat on this for two days before charging it out, but I mean it."

"Other than those visuals, the film pops with all the other technical aspects thrown into one."

"The entire sound team is also locked and loaded for Oscar recognition as the feeling of animals, machines, and arrows buzzing by your head leave you imprisoned in Cameron's exquisite film."

"The most exciting, thrilling, and superb work you'll feast your eyes on in any theater this century. Cinema, forever, will remember the benchmark that James Cameron placed not only for himself, but for any man, daring to change the game, the way Cameron did."

Interestingly, after all that, he only rates it a 9/10. Some people are just too hard to please.

[matrixschmatrix]

Man, I've always wanted to be a sensational bravura performer like Diane Keaton or Marion Brando

[Michael]

Amazon customer review of Moonstruck:

Too much talking for me.
An Italian guy with an itchy scalp waits for dessert to ask an Italian woman to marry him. Meanwhile his brother with a wooden hand and a pizza shop and their mother try to stop the wedding. There's a lot of strange cultural dialogue and customs in this movie I did not understand. If you don't enjoy listening to a lot of conversation in kitchens and bedrooms I would avoid this one.

[Sarky]

A review on Criterion's Carlos release from Amazon and oh boy have we got a find here!

Boring and dumb.
1/5 stars.
I bought this movie because a friend of mine told me it was a bio-pic about Carlos Mencia, and that was all I needed to know. Turns out it is just a boring and VERY LONG movie about a left wing retard who thinks the rules don't apply to him. Political terrorism blah blah blah attacking the power structure blah blah blah overcompensating for being homosexual blah blah blah. It's a known fact that most liberals are gay. I was high on painkillers and still got nothing out of this movie which is just way too long. Also even though he is from South America this movie reminds me of the existence of Mexicans and that's never a good thing. Very disappointed in this movie and also I am going to downvote all the positive reviews because they're obviously written by philistines (PLEASE NOTE: I UNCONDITIONALLY SUPPORT ISRAEL).

Man, I wonder what his feelings on Che are!

[knives]

Parody?

[Sarky]

Parody?

I managed to find some of his other reviews off Amazon, apparently this guy really does believe what he is saying. Oh and he's a birther.

[Brian C]

If that's parody, it's 98% spot-on. The only part that gives me pause is the bit about "philistines" at the end - that's an atypical note.

[Gregory]

Parody?

I managed to find some of his other reviews off Amazon, apparently this guy really does believe what he is saying. Oh and he's a birther.

By "off Amazon" I assume you mean reviews elsewhere using the same name. I read some of his other reviews "on" Amazon and he's pretty obviously taking the piss.

[MichaelB]

I read some of his other reviews "on" Amazon and he's pretty obviously taking the piss.

Very very obviously indeed. I strongly doubt that anyone who thinks he's a genuine birther has done more than skim his Star Wars "review", which is primarily about the whereabouts of George Lucas's birth certificate.

Similarly, his "review" of Birdy is entirely devoted to the cover and the fact that the man's genitals aren't visible (he also assumes that the man in question is Peter Gabriel) - and if you still don't believe that he's writing with tongue firmly implanted in cheek, have a look at his contributions to the lively comments thread underneath. And indeed other people's - specifically the guy who urges him to "please review some other products- preferably those loved by people with no sense of humor."

[Drucker]

His review of the Omega Litterbox is magnificent.

[colinr0380]

Not to mention the rather disturbing reviews for the Money Belt or the Black and Decker lawnmower! I often wonder whether Amazon's policy of pestering customers to review the products they have bought often results in these passive aggressive postings!

The one for the Frost/Nixon soundtrack made me giggle:

While the movie itself was pretty boring and I found the ending confusing, this soundtrack more than made up for it. The composer's delightful use of the oboe throughout lent fun and whimsy to the overarching theme. But my favorite part was the dance mix at the end, an energentic and synth-laden whirligig of sound that Frost and Nixon find themselves shaking it to during one of the movie's few good parts.

Definitely a must have for those who saw this movie (whether you liked the movie or not), and highly recommended to those who appreciate a pumping beat and lush disco production. This soundtrack has it all, and then some!

[jwd5275]

His review of the Omega Litterbox is magnificent.

I read this out loud to my wife. She was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her cheeks.

[Drucker]

His review of the Omega Litterbox is magnificent.

I read this out loud to my wife. She was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her cheeks.

Because it's worth sharing:

6 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars It really works don't question it, July 31, 2011
I own various cats (they do not own me) and I have always found the litter box to be the most unpleasant part of owning a cat (again, I own the cats, not the other way around).

Typically what happens is my cats blast feces and urine all over the general area of the litterbox, turning my home into a disgusting latrine (which is not helped by my brother-in-law's drunken "accidents" at various inappropriate locations). If you have ever smelled the combination of cat and human fecal matter on a warm day, believe me you would never forget it!

I tried one of the motorized auto-cleaning litter boxes, but after my cat Muffy was crushed to death in the mechanism I swore off those contraptions for good. Every other combination of litter and litterbox has been a disappointment.

Then I tried the Omega Paw Litter Box System, and my life has changed. I simply wait for my cats to enter "the Omegasphere" as I call it, and then when they are done pottying I tip it back and forth very quickly. All of the feces and urine is sorted out using some miraculous process. Sometimes the cats are annoyed by the tipping back and forth, but they seem incapable of doing anything about it.

At first I was suspicious that the cats weren't really using it, or that it might not sift out all the poopy poop poop reliably. I had my youngest daughter test it by taking the cover off and using the litter box for a week. Well I can say the results are 100% successful! Even dealing with human waste is a snap for the Omegasphere. So you can certainly use this for cats and probably small dogs too.

[Zobalob]

Parody?

I managed to find some of his other reviews off Amazon, apparently this guy really does believe what he is saying. Oh and he's a birther.

By "off Amazon" I assume you mean reviews elsewhere using the same name. I read some of his other reviews "on" Amazon and he's pretty obviously taking the piss.

I just spent an enjoyable hour or so reading all of his reviews and related comments, haven't laughed so much in ages.

[cdnchris]

And the Google Ad result for this page is:

[knives]

This is a movie about the benefits of overusing synth drones, slow-mo and emotionless characters.

How can anybody like this piece of shit?
The only real music used in it was 1980's piece of shit stuff, The build up was a fuckig hour, and even after that, very little actually happens, the characters aren't built up at all.

It's like 2001: A Space Oddyssey without the Space
Or No country For Old Men, without the country or the men.

I have no idea how anybody can rate this film so highly. I mean, I love the likes of Kubrick and generally minimalist movies like Old Boy, I loved No country For Old Men to death.
This just seems highly fucking pretentious and badly written.

[Mr Sausage]

It helps if you tell us what the movie is.

[knives]

Sorry, it's Drive.

[Lemmy Caution]

A rather schizo IMDb review for Germany, Pale Mother:

This was probably one of the few foreign films I couldn't sit through. Talk about dreary. This must have been one of those films which helped establish the boring-foreign film stereotype. While the story was very strong and the pacing was excellent, it feels like a long, drawn out version of people waiting to commit suicide. However, the acting in the film was amazing, fully delving into the uneasy silences of two people who are torn apart by war and different views of marriage. Tough to inhale at most times, but a perfect example of the tragedy.

The first three sentences get completely contradicted by the final three.
Ah, balance.
But, yes, I hate those excellently-paced long drawn out films.